Originally the idea came from a local radio station. They kept "The List", a list of phrases said during the week that stood on their own and were funny as hell. They were phrases that not only inspired giggles and snorts, but frequently prompted the question "what brought THAT up?" When playing on a messageboard I would frequently see something that would remind me of The List. Finally I broke down and started recording them. I've done this for about four years... five years? It's been a while. Lo and behold I'm noticing the same thing in the blog world. So why not? Let's have our quotables recorded!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Quotes - December 17, 2010

I Make Soap    : nothing says "I love you" like a couple of bite size snickers and a juice box.

Unknown Mami    : I was so mad, I woke him up and thanked him for ruining my dream with his stinky farts.

My Own Brand of Crazy    : That's where I learned about political leaders.......like Genghis Kahn!

Alone With Cats    : Maybe people wouldn’t hate terrorists so much if they attacked us with baked goods. Unless the baked goods weren’t delish. That would really hit us where it hurts. I should probably stop giving advice to al-Qaeda.

Yo Mama’s Blog    :  Dry Humping In The Front Yard Is A No-No

Pregnant Chicken    : When I first saw this I was beyond WTF? (and I went to art college)

Unknown Mami    : I am a brilliant typo-ist!!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Quotes - October 14, 2010

I am SO sorry I haven't posted lately - at least I was still collecting your funniness.


The Queen of WTF    : From this day forward she will be formally known as... Dame of the Penis Platter.

The Bloggess    : My grandmother always used to say “living well is the best revenge” but I suspect that’s just because she’d never considered arson.

It’s Not All Mary Poppins    : It’s big! It’s the CN Tower!!! It’s the Eiffel Tower!!!!! It’s… it’s… it’s… It’s my PENIS!!!

Lyn Upside Down    : I'm still suffering a velveeta hangover a day later.

Sara Spelled Without an H    : Wrong, you pizza communists

Barefoot Foodie    : I bought these really amazing heels from Bakers.  Which is where you go when you want shoes sexier than you could find at JC Penny, but not so sexy they are clear and come with pole traction.

Astoria Rust    : it has about as much charm as a prison bus.

Unknown Mami    : If I say my mood is at it’s worsest, it’s best not to correct my grammar at that moment.

The Gypsy Life    : Did you know that this pregnant woman can indeed fit into the refigerator??

Finding Fairytales    : we're curing depression...one red bull at a time.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Quotes - August 18, 2010

It’s Not All Mary Poppins    : Three poops? A poo in triplicate! A poo trifecta.

Away We Go    : we engaged in a turf battle with Ye Olde Teenagers and their ancient squirt-muskets of annoyance.

The Monster Apathy    : I think we can all agree that the moral of the story holds true:  Don't fuck with someone who can launch fireworks out of their dick.

Alone With Cats    : I pretty much do whatever the Indigo Girls tell me to do

Funny or Snot    : Did you know fly paper can trap a parakeet as well as flies?

Queen of WTF    : I may lose my pickled gin soaked little toe to the mouse trap I just set by the liquor cabinet.

Funny Not Slutty     : I suspect suspect there is a sadistic, secret math society at work continually creating a gap between every generation.

Speaking From The Crib    : I averted the clitoris question.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Quotes - July 22, 2010

Astoria Oregon Rust    : There are cow dreams, elephant dreams and even whale dreams.

Adventures In Paradise    : And that? That is when I realized.  They thought I was a hooker.

The Duchess Of Dorkville    : She sounds like a hippo getting ass-raped.

Sassy Pants Freckle Face    : Talk it over with your creatures before hand that way the bear bitches don't rape you with 6$ bear panties

The Fourth Blog Frog    : One piece of anatomy I didn't need help locating was my right ovary -- because I'm pretty sure I dislodged it trying to do a move that should only be reserved for professional members of Cirq de Soleil.

Away We Go    : once in awhile, you find that Diamonique in the rough.

A Life For Rent    : now my keyboard is tacky and smells like sneezes

Speaking From The Crib    : I have transported myself to an alternate universe, where a husband can tell the crypt keeper that his chubby wife wears an extra small thong and whips him and no one blinks an eye.

The Random Blogette    : who wants teeth biting their nips!?

Busted Plumbing    : My ass was as windless as a broken piccolo

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Quotes - July 6, 2010

A Walk Through My Little World    : Skeeter was a randy little boy and L.O.V.E.D. my thumb in some rather disturbing ways.

Salt Says    : my cats prefer chicken over fish any day of the week and neither of them are alcoholics.

My Own Brand of Crazy    : wait, does that make me a whore?  Spreading my legs for a tetanus shot?

Leigh vs Laundry    : he would dive bomb into them, knock them over, sit on them, and then suck on their head

A Lovely Life    : You don’t want to spook a moose.

Butts and Ashes    : your hair would look the same way if you drove 1200 fish around in your car.

Sanity Is Overrated    :  I am a water balloon Ninja.

Hyperbole and a Half    : This dog is uncoordinated in a way that would suggest her canine lineage is tainted with traces of a species with a different number of legs - like maybe a starfish or some sort of primitive snake.

Barefoot Foodie    : I always book my departure fights so ungodly early that I don’t even actually go to bed the night before, and just arrive at the airport hungover and looking like Keith Richards

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Quotes - June 27, 2010

Finding Fairytales    : my hair was no longer a cross between "stripper" and "big bird's" love child

Pajamas & Coffee    : emitted what can only be described as the type of piercing scream of a woman who has just learned she accidentally walked into church naked.

Barefoot Foodie    : I was entirely certain that I had squatted in the library, forgetting that I had a skirt on, showed everyone my underwear, possibly my Jesus flower, and this ophthalmologist person was the doctor in charge of either removing it, sewing it shut, or making it so I was never allowed to have babies or grow boobs.

Lyn Upside Down    : it's a long story involving an extremely high nerd factor

Salt Says    : The fact that your hand is on fire might be fascinating, but you need to put it out right away.

The Meanest Mom    : I always held my breath in hopes that behind a wall or underneath three layers of hideous bathroom tile we would find a stash of reindeer antlers or a petrified elf.

Alone With Cats    : my diary was an early exercise in plagiarism.

Yo Mama’s Blog    : So now I have office bathroom floor in my vagina.

Away We Go    : At last, at last, I will be able to see the nipple rings and tribal tattoos of my fellow Southern Marylanders all year long.

All A Bunch Of Momsense    : Gah, he’s cute. Even if he DOES have bugs in his ears.

Putting The FUN In DysFUNctional    : watched him jumping off the couch, pretending to be Buzz Lightyear, shouting "To infillity...AND BEHIND!"

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Quotes - June 20, 2010

Salt Says    : Usually I only develop fangirl crushes on Sesame Street characters

Lambykins    : To me, if I don't have frostbite on my nipples, the air conditioner is not functioning properly.

Not That Kind Of Girl    : a few weeks ago I saw a dude spread out a linen handkerchief on said unoccupied seat and spread out an honest-to-pete PICNIC on the seat next to him. Complete with friggin’ soup, the least appropriate bus food since lighter-broiled s’mores.

Life With Flowers    : They are fond of their hanging meats.

The Meanest Mom    : An unfortunate typo resulted in Mr. Quacker's conversion to the Religious Society of Friends.

Beth: A Work In Progress    : I really don’t like bacon bits in my banana pudding

The Zen of Motherhood    : I've always been partial to the Great Flying Middle Finger.

Motherhood Uncensored    : I'm pregnant with Mary Poppins!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Quotes - June 5, 2010

Office_Cubism    : Thank you for your radish management

Eternally Distracted    : May the only pain in your life be champagne.

Peeling An Orange with A Screwdriver    : Kids make you do things you never thought possible and it all starts the minute you shove them out of that impossibly small exit between your legs.

Mom and Mommer    : remember you have the power of the mystical vagina on your side

The Bean    : I bet I dream about drunk unicorns tonight.

The Bloggess    : comforters are like giant shamwows 

Not That Kind of Girl    : Bathroom breaks at work are approximately 500% more fun when you spend thirty seconds twisting your pelvis to admire the light playing on your crotch disco ball.

Stacie’s Madness    : Mr.F and I will be doing it Paul Bunyan style.

Alone With Cats    : you’re wondering how wicked cool it would have been to go to college in the fucking air?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Quotes - May 24, 2010

The Queen of WTF    : The moral of this story...Don't let the second graders mix your drinks.

Not That Kind Of Girl    : I am: about as seductive as a stomach flu.

Hyperbole and A Half    : no matter how many decoy items you buy, you still feel positive that the checker is going to notice your conspicuous purchase and think you are some twisted freak with explosive diarrhea.

Yankee Girl guest post on Speaking From the Crib    : According to Leland, there is nothing that cannot be solved by naked women.

Eternally Distracted    : There is a simple solutions to everything... Champagne!

Off On A Tangent    : I have a date with a sharpie and a roll of blue masking tape!

Picture Imperfect    : Life's a birch and then you die!

Unknown Mami    : "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the ignorant city girl that thinks roosters hump eggs."

Chronical of Linnnn    : my clothes just fell off around him.  Spontaneous disrobement.


Ann Again and Again    : Perhaps it's Twitter Tourette Syndrome.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Quotes - May 7, 2010

Punk Rock HR    : I look better as a washed-out-blonde with dark roots than I do as a woman with green hair.

I Am Lotus    : We have a Peep down, people.  I repeat, PEEP DOWN.

As Cape Cod Turns    : Who knew your butt has springs?

Eternally Distracted    : "Look Mum, my nails have changed a different language"

Astoria Oregon Rust    : Yes, the opening act had more musical talent than I; however they didn’t have the common sense not to subject others to their talent.

i’m Not benny    : if you are a kangaroo and happen to be riddled with the rabies, all you do is crave the taste of old people.

Unknown Mami    : “Our teacher was sick, so we had a prostitute teacher.”

Not That Kind of Girl    : Something about this picture really screams "diphteria!" to me.

Eternally Distracted    : SHE IS STEALING MY OCD!!!

Yo Mama’s Blog    : You guys are like the United Nations of morons.

UberGrumpy    : he looked like a mini Conehead after a brutal deathmatch mud-wrestle.

Unknown Mami    Mayonnaise was introduced to the United States on May 5th,  1862 when a native of Puebla visiting relatives in the US whipped up a batch and was walking down the street with a bowl of mayo and bumped into an American eating a dry tuna sandwich.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Quotes - April 24, 2010

Stir Fry Awesomeness    : Your spawn will not cease climbing you like monkeys on a banana hunt just because you are on vacation.

Mrs. 4444 Cooks    : Do NOT poke the holes all the way down to the bottom; just do it half-way. (But remember, you can still get pregnant going half-way.)

Fruit On The Vines    : I need to end thiz pozt and fix my keyboard. I'm tired of my wordz looking like youtube commentz.

Mrs. Yellow Hat    : I did not need that sort of a reminder that I've had 3 children and need to continue my kegels.

The Rational Mind of  A Crazy Woman    : I'm pretty sure cinnamon rolls are a common cure for whooping cough

Just Eat It    : Just remind me that I need stuff for my vagina and stuff for my coffee.

Busted Plumbing    : Can I get Zoloft prescribed for my cooter?

Thyme For Cooking    : It's one thing to buy too much food when you have a teenage boy at home.  Oh, wait, if memory serves me, it's impossible to buy too much food when you have teenage boys.

My Own Brand Of Crazy    : What goes up, must come down - preferably with fire.

Bye Bye Pie    : I kind of like it. In a Miss Piggy drag queen Priscilla Queen of the Desert LSD Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy kind of a way.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Quotes - April 14, 2010

Unknown Mami    : I think you invented a word: VAGINORMOUS!

Daily Dose of Reality    : When I say dance, I mean just move from side to side and not stomp on people's feet.

Sprite’s Keeper    : Parents have to love the ocean. It's like one giant wet wipe.

Bye Bye Pie    : They all ceased talking to stare at me. It was like I was E.F. Hutton, but I was more Peed On Myself Hutton.

Gladys Tells All    : I am now a poop reader.

Jen’s Voices    : Big dummy doesn't know style and rhythm if it came up and cabbage patched him in the butt.

Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin    : She tottered up to the bar with all the deportment of a tap-dancing piglet.

UberGrumpy    : always ski drunk, so you can be relaxed and even amused as you fall over, hit trees, lose a pole, collide with a French snowboarder, etc.

Finding Fairytales    : apparently it was so totally awesome. like coming across a three eyed zebra in downtown buttfuckville, awesome.

My Own Brand Of Crazy    : We're at the Felon Orthopedic Clinic!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Quotes - April 7, 2010

 Sara Spelled Without An H    : he looks like a walking zygote with lip gloss

The White Trash Princess    : almost bought a two-foot-long plastic "action figure?" frilled lizard.  Very realistic-looking.  Had toes missing off of the back foot that someone had painted red with nail polish to resemble blood as if this plastic reptile had been subject to plastic action figure animal abuse in an underground  plastic action figure lizard cage fighting ring or something.

Homesteading Neophyte    : There is something slightly unsettling about a white trash genius.

The Stroller Ballet    : everything related to children leaks

Hyperbole and A Half    : it just ends up looking like something created by a schizophrenic baboon with a bear fetish and an endless supply of finger paint

Finding Fairy Tales    : i need to lie down and fart

Dirt and Noise    : I was going all Aesop on them

The Bloggess    : This is basically the secret of life: Move toward things that make you less stabby.

Bye Bye Pie    : Marvin knows how to perform a tracheotomy on me because he looked it up and searched my throat

A Beaten Copper Lamp of Deplorable Design    : Where's comb-over Jesus?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Quotes - March 28, 2010

i’m not benny    : I don't think you can be a fat ninja with asthma.

Sara Spelled Without an H    : That is one fuzzy religious icon

Busted Plumbing    : Nothing says holidays like blood splatter. 

Thyme For Cooking    : Have you ever tried to herd lizards? 

Batcrap Crazy/Daily Dose of Reality (guest post)    : You'd really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

My Three Bubs    : I realized I have...  Nancy Pelosi hair.

Momma Made It Look Easy    : Aren't you glad I didn't give tips about dealing with a lacerated labia?

Barefoot Foodie    : Jude is putting his testicles on the statue of St. Francis of Asissi, again

Parenting By Dummies    : some times they’re borderline cute in that so-ugly-it’s-cute-way only cats and premature babies can pull off

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Quotes - March 13, 2010

Jen’s Voices    : I broke my funny bone while fighting with a washcloth

Finding Fairy Tales    : our 1st annual walton family-esque vacation of clusterfuck and fun

Sounds Like Tomatoes/Speaking From The Crib    : The nearest I had gone to a cow was the hamburger I purchased at McDonald’s.

365 Days of People    : when head banging was an acceptable white persons dance move

Yo Mama’s Blog    : Holy hell. You haven't lived until you've been hit on by a guy with a walker wearing black knee socks with sandals.

Not That Kind of Girl    : I can spend an evening sitting on the curb, drinking wine out of a bag with a Jordanian immigrant and talking about French film and not even think to blog about it.

Busted Plumbing    : I might be ingesting roasted cat brains and piss from China right now, I don't know!  Now I'm taking parsley supplements that make my mouth taste like dirt and leaves every time I burp.  Not to mention I'm so "full" down there that every time I sneeze I think my appendix is going to blow out my ass.

The Chronicle of Linnnn    : I grocery shop with the single-mindedness of a pillaging Viking shore party

Kelly’s Kvetch of the Day    : I keep everyone in my Columbarium/Curio Cabinet

Imagine    : 1 glass jar with her tonsils, in formaldehyde (I kid you not)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Quotes - March 7, 2010

Pajamas & Coffee    : I went to Target and spent $274 because Target ate my soul

Masala Chica    : My life is one string cheese debacle after another

Putting The FUN In DysFUNctional    : I have ZERO athletic ability. I wouldn't even take home the Tin Foil!

Airing My Dirty Laundry One Sock At A Time    : The toilet is NOT question and answer time, kids.

Unknown Mami    : Really?!,You can't recognize beauty in an entire group of people. Who are you? John Mayer's penis?

Hyperbole And A Half    : Living in rural Montana is a lot like being duct-taped inside a refrigerator box with a bear

UberGrumpy    : We will soon be summoned to choose between the sorry collection of has-beens, crooks, no-hopers, spongers, bankrupts, conmen, hangers-on, talentless minority group opportunists, fading B-list television celebrities, and geriatric dorks that pass for politicians here.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Quotes - February 20, 2010

The Retirement Chronicles    : I don't sit around and think about whales' tongues

Wonderful World of Wieners    : it's not uncommon at all for me to start vibrating at random times throughout the day.

Parenting By Dummies    : he freaks out if he detects that he is actually being filmed so I have to get all Candid Camera on him

Pajamas & Coffee    : acting like a general asshole douchesicle ice whore

Airing My Dirty Laundry One Sock At A Time    : I dubbed them the Pepto Bismol Pancakes.

Lyn Upside Down    : lets not even discuss the irony of "Sounds of Silence" thundering through the ceiling again.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Quotes - February 14, 2010

Not That Kind of Girl    : I hereby declare myself cured of any need to eat: 1) marine life; 2) living shit; 3) live, raw marine life. I can still feel that little fucker dancing in my stomach like a deleted scene from Fantasia.

Bye Bye Pie    : not only did I have Peter Frampton hair, I had HUGE Peter Frampton hair

Mass Hole Mommy    : No one wants to kiss you with a dead animal on your face.

The Bloggess    : Hitler would be like 120 years old now so yeah, I'm fairly sure he's really dead. Hitler was an asshole...not a vampire.

West Family Adventures    : I'm borderline genius in my subconsciousness

Pure Natural Diva    : I left my own party in very dramatic fashion, taking someone else’s husband with me!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Quotes - February 8, 2010

Bye Bye Pie    : What are you, a tampon machine?

The Bloggess    : I’m suing Natalie because I bet she’d be fun to hang out with in court.

Peeling An Orange With A Screwdriver    : I am considering inventing the "Emperor" size bed

Not That Kind of Girl    : in real life I do not know where to put my eyes when you want me to look into your soul.

Unknown Mami    : I'm not big on VD, the day or the disease.

Pajamas and Coffee    : how much fun would like Alpha-Bits poetry slams or haiku contests be?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Quotes - February 4, 2010

Hyperbole And A Half    : I'm running away and trying to find Santa Claus because that's the only way to survive a bear attack

Bye Bye Pie    : Yes, I do dream of noses.

My Own Brand of Crazy    : Don't we have any prognosticating badgers?

Bye Bye Pie    : we went out and built a snowdrunk


Sunday, January 31, 2010

Quotes - January 31, 2010

The Bean    : Switzerlandish People Don’t Use Forks

Fabrics N Quilts    : it must be tough to be a teenager bee.

Deanna Raybourn    : I don't especially want to smell like geriatric laundry.

Unknown Mami    : it's better than finding a dead aunt in my cleavage.

My Own Brand of Crazy    : no, you can't draw a smiley face with a dry erase marker on my new vase!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

First Round Of Quotes

**hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com    : Hyperactivity is like being forcibly injected with way too much crack-cocaine and then being tied down to a chair and made to watch a documentary about sea snails.

** speakingfromthecrib.com/    : Nothing says Disney like your daughter humping your leg as you wait in line to meet Goofy.

**phototreks.blogspot.com/    : wait, I can't hear you, I don't have my glasses on!

**askthebloggess.pnn.com    : I can only assume that there’s some sort of elf in my house with a tiny melon-baller scooping out bits of eye while we sleep.

**jensvoices.blogspot.com/    : funny how I got all high brow and then went trailer park in the same sentence

**notthatkindofgirl.net/    : Threading, if you haven’t run into it, is waxing’s lesbian sister

Submit Your Finds!

OMG!  I figured it out!  There's a button to send me your finds!  YAY!!!!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010


Originally the idea came from a local radio station.  They kept "The List", a list of phrases said during the week that stood on their own and were funny as hell.  They were phrases that not only inspired giggles and snorts, but frequently prompted the question "what brought THAT up?"

When playing on a messageboard I would frequently see something that would remind me of The List.  Finally I broke down and started recording them.  I've done this for about four years... five years?  It's been a while. 

Lo and behold I'm noticing the same thing in the blog world.  So why not?  Let's have our quotables recorded!

There are some rules (I learned the hard way)

-This is not a popularity contest.  If your nose gets bent out of shape because such and so is always quoted SO WHAT.  If you never get quoted, so sorry.  It happens.  There is no money transacted here and I offer no guarantees.  If any of this causes you stress, quit reading.

-Yes, you can submit suggestions.  Email me or post a comment.  PLEASE leave a link because I must read it for myself (eventually I'll figure out this blog thing and set up a one click submission form... ha ha ha.... yeah, if anyone knows how to do that, let me know).

-Quotes are based on something that is funny by itself, without any explanation or back story.  Many people submit quotes that are funny in context, but when the phrase is pulled out on its own, not so funny.  My judgment is final.  If I don't use your submission, it's nothing personal.

-My judgment is final.