Quotes - January 23, 2011

Funny or Snot    : I certainly wasn’t expecting to lose my bra somewhere in the Portland Rose Gardens

Parenting By Dummies    : he sounds distinctively like one small, green Jedi master

Speaking From The Crib    : What if his thingy melted off?

Adventures In Paradise    : I was much too busy bonding with the strippers over our shared love of leg warmers and vagina glitter to have a drink

Highly Irritable    : I spent my Christmas break learning Bakugan attributes forcibly at the hands of a tyrant in a Transformers housecoat,

Day By Day    : I see the benefit of being a nudist

Quotes - January 9, 2011

Absolutely Narcissism    : He will then run into the newly painted bedroom naked, stand against one of the fully painted walls, and say, "How do I look in pink?" which translates to "Let's do it while the kids are all downstairs."

Patchwork Times    : Once upon a time, I thought that maybe that wasn’t a balanced meal but then I realized as long as there’s lots of gravy, who cares?

Busted Plumbing    : I smelled like five day old waffles that have been sitting at the bottom of your sink that you forgot to clean out before you left for a short trip.  Sweet and homeless-man's-asshole, that's how I smelled.

It’s Not All Mary Poppins    : There may even have been some Potty Dancing around the puddle of steaming dampness.

Quotes - December 31, 2010

Adaption of Jane    : I should have just asked her to put a paper bag on her head

Suburban Turmoil    : I feel like my life has become one eternal snow day.

Barefoot Foodie    : basically, we all agreed (by we, I mean, me, my doctor and my percoset bottle) that I am having pain.

Steam Me Up Kid    : I promise I won't fart in your treatment cubicle again.