Quotes - October 14, 2010

I am SO sorry I haven't posted lately - at least I was still collecting your funniness.

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The Queen of WTF    : From this day forward she will be formally known as... Dame of the Penis Platter.

The Bloggess    : My grandmother always used to say “living well is the best revenge” but I suspect that’s just because she’d never considered arson.

It’s Not All Mary Poppins    : It’s big! It’s the CN Tower!!! It’s the Eiffel Tower!!!!! It’s… it’s… it’s… It’s my PENIS!!!

Lyn Upside Down    : I'm still suffering a velveeta hangover a day later.

Sara Spelled Without an H    : Wrong, you pizza communists

Barefoot Foodie    : I bought these really amazing heels from Bakers.  Which is where you go when you want shoes sexier than you could find at JC Penny, but not so sexy they are clear and come with pole traction.

Astoria Rust    : it has about as much charm as a prison bus.

Unknown Mami    : If I say my mood is at it’s worsest, it’s best not to correct my grammar at that moment.

The Gypsy Life    : Did you know that this pregnant woman can indeed fit into the refigerator??

Finding Fairytales    : we're curing depression...one red bull at a time.

Quotes - August 18, 2010

It’s Not All Mary Poppins    : Three poops? A poo in triplicate! A poo trifecta.

Away We Go    : we engaged in a turf battle with Ye Olde Teenagers and their ancient squirt-muskets of annoyance.

The Monster Apathy    : I think we can all agree that the moral of the story holds true:  Don't fuck with someone who can launch fireworks out of their dick.

Alone With Cats    : I pretty much do whatever the Indigo Girls tell me to do

Funny or Snot    : Did you know fly paper can trap a parakeet as well as flies?

Queen of WTF    : I may lose my pickled gin soaked little toe to the mouse trap I just set by the liquor cabinet.

Funny Not Slutty     : I suspect suspect there is a sadistic, secret math society at work continually creating a gap between every generation.

Speaking From The Crib    : I averted the clitoris question.

Quotes - July 22, 2010

Astoria Oregon Rust    : There are cow dreams, elephant dreams and even whale dreams.

Adventures In Paradise    : And that? That is when I realized.  They thought I was a hooker.

The Duchess Of Dorkville    : She sounds like a hippo getting ass-raped.

Sassy Pants Freckle Face    : Talk it over with your creatures before hand that way the bear bitches don't rape you with 6$ bear panties

The Fourth Blog Frog    : One piece of anatomy I didn't need help locating was my right ovary -- because I'm pretty sure I dislodged it trying to do a move that should only be reserved for professional members of Cirq de Soleil.

Away We Go    : once in awhile, you find that Diamonique in the rough.

A Life For Rent    : now my keyboard is tacky and smells like sneezes

Speaking From The Crib    : I have transported myself to an alternate universe, where a husband can tell the crypt keeper that his chubby wife wears an extra small thong and whips him and no one blinks an eye.

The Random Blogette    : who wants teeth biting their nips!?

Busted Plumbing    : My ass was as windless as a broken piccolo

Quotes - July 6, 2010

A Walk Through My Little World    : Skeeter was a randy little boy and L.O.V.E.D. my thumb in some rather disturbing ways.

Salt Says    : my cats prefer chicken over fish any day of the week and neither of them are alcoholics.

My Own Brand of Crazy    : wait, does that make me a whore?  Spreading my legs for a tetanus shot?

Leigh vs Laundry    : he would dive bomb into them, knock them over, sit on them, and then suck on their head

A Lovely Life    : You don’t want to spook a moose.

Butts and Ashes    : your hair would look the same way if you drove 1200 fish around in your car.

Sanity Is Overrated    :  I am a water balloon Ninja.

Hyperbole and a Half    : This dog is uncoordinated in a way that would suggest her canine lineage is tainted with traces of a species with a different number of legs - like maybe a starfish or some sort of primitive snake.

Barefoot Foodie    : I always book my departure fights so ungodly early that I don’t even actually go to bed the night before, and just arrive at the airport hungover and looking like Keith Richards

Quotes - June 27, 2010

Finding Fairytales    : my hair was no longer a cross between "stripper" and "big bird's" love child

Pajamas & Coffee    : emitted what can only be described as the type of piercing scream of a woman who has just learned she accidentally walked into church naked.

Barefoot Foodie    : I was entirely certain that I had squatted in the library, forgetting that I had a skirt on, showed everyone my underwear, possibly my Jesus flower, and this ophthalmologist person was the doctor in charge of either removing it, sewing it shut, or making it so I was never allowed to have babies or grow boobs.

Lyn Upside Down    : it's a long story involving an extremely high nerd factor

Salt Says    : The fact that your hand is on fire might be fascinating, but you need to put it out right away.

The Meanest Mom    : I always held my breath in hopes that behind a wall or underneath three layers of hideous bathroom tile we would find a stash of reindeer antlers or a petrified elf.

Alone With Cats    : my diary was an early exercise in plagiarism.

Yo Mama’s Blog    : So now I have office bathroom floor in my vagina.

Away We Go    : At last, at last, I will be able to see the nipple rings and tribal tattoos of my fellow Southern Marylanders all year long.

All A Bunch Of Momsense    : Gah, he’s cute. Even if he DOES have bugs in his ears.

Putting The FUN In DysFUNctional    : watched him jumping off the couch, pretending to be Buzz Lightyear, shouting "To infillity...AND BEHIND!"

Quotes - June 20, 2010

Salt Says    : Usually I only develop fangirl crushes on Sesame Street characters

Lambykins    : To me, if I don't have frostbite on my nipples, the air conditioner is not functioning properly.

Not That Kind Of Girl    : a few weeks ago I saw a dude spread out a linen handkerchief on said unoccupied seat and spread out an honest-to-pete PICNIC on the seat next to him. Complete with friggin’ soup, the least appropriate bus food since lighter-broiled s’mores.

Life With Flowers    : They are fond of their hanging meats.

The Meanest Mom    : An unfortunate typo resulted in Mr. Quacker's conversion to the Religious Society of Friends.

Beth: A Work In Progress    : I really don’t like bacon bits in my banana pudding

The Zen of Motherhood    : I've always been partial to the Great Flying Middle Finger.

Motherhood Uncensored    : I'm pregnant with Mary Poppins!

Quotes - June 5, 2010

Office_Cubism    : Thank you for your radish management

Eternally Distracted    : May the only pain in your life be champagne.

Peeling An Orange with A Screwdriver    : Kids make you do things you never thought possible and it all starts the minute you shove them out of that impossibly small exit between your legs.

Mom and Mommer    : remember you have the power of the mystical vagina on your side

The Bean    : I bet I dream about drunk unicorns tonight.

The Bloggess    : comforters are like giant shamwows 

Not That Kind of Girl    : Bathroom breaks at work are approximately 500% more fun when you spend thirty seconds twisting your pelvis to admire the light playing on your crotch disco ball.

Stacie’s Madness    : Mr.F and I will be doing it Paul Bunyan style.

Alone With Cats    : you’re wondering how wicked cool it would have been to go to college in the fucking air?